After 5 years of intensive research in which the tears of deceased drug-addicts were mixed with nothing more than common Chinese ear wax, scientists have discovered that Kylie Minogue is Britain's most popular celebrity. This technique, "distinct universal level latency asset reverence determination", which measures "BUZZ FACTOR", placed the petite Antipodean singer ahead of Cheryl Cole by nearly fifty thousand dullards.
Trailing behind in the dullard stakes were David Beckham, Ant & Dec and Joanna Lumley.
The whole true story here.
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