New Shorts

Right that's it. I'm not going shopping again here. They're messin' with my mind, man.

I bought these shorts. Yes these, what's wrong with them? It's the American tourist look I'm always striving for. It's a good look, believe me.

They were marked at 340 rand. Seemed ok so I took them up to the checkout. The guy rung them up.

He said, "They're cheaper - 240 - you can have a t-shirt."

"Can I, any t-shirt?", I asked excitedly. I was assured I could take any t-shirt.

I assumed he'd rung up the full amount and was offering me a t-shirt by way of an apology. This bizarre twist in the transaction did not particularly surprise me. Weird stuff happens to white-folks in Africa. Quite right too. But then he charged me the 240 rand. 

I said, "But you charged me 240. Are you saying I can take a t-shirt as well?".

Always an eye for the main chance, me. He told me I could.

"For free?", I checked. 

Yes, he assured me, I could have any t-shirt. Then he asked me if I understood. 

"No", I assured him, "not even slightly but, since you insist, I'll take a t-shirt."

That's what I'm saying, he told me.

So I picked my free t-shirt. My favourite kind.

"Thanks", I said, "just pop it in the same bag."

Then, utterly predictably I suppose, he asked me how I wanted to pay for the t-shirt.

"Cash", I replied, resignedly.

I chuckled to myself on the way out. It was a great piece of salesmanship and he managed to upsell me a t-shirt. The fact that he downright lied in order to do so did not diminish my admiration for him. In fact I prefer to think of him kindly and suppose that he thought I had precisely 340 rand to spend today on clothes, on a "use it or lose it basis", and was helping me to do so.

I then went into a music store and picked up another DJ Mujava cd. I could feel the respect coming from the guy serving me. Good choice m'brother, his eyes said. He rung it up and told me it was 50 rand cheaper than marked. 

I was no longer some white-bread fresh off the plane who didn't know the system. Before he could say another word I had returned to the "Pretoria House" rack to pick my "free" cd.

I'll be in my room from now on if you need me,