School Daze

I went to a school reunion on Friday. It was quite good and, by common consensus, I had aged the best out of all the boys.

It was funny because I'd just been saying that would be the case to my old mate Watty in the pub beforehand. He was very nervous about the whole affair so I'd agreed to have a couple of whisky and crabbies with him to settle his nerves. We went to a pub which positively reeked of the past. Our past.

"I'll bet I look the youngest", I said to him. He laughed. I think he thought I was joking.

We were meeting at the school. Before we went in we had a quick cuddle. By now he was totally relaxed and I was very nervous. This was, to my best recollection, our first cuddle outside the school gates.

The first person we saw on entering the building was the janitor who was pissed. We asked him where the reunion was but he was asleep and unable to reply. Eventually we found the room and everyone was there. It was quite a moment. Nobody had changed much but (of course!) everyone had changed a bit more than me. In a couple of cases you had to look deep into the eyes - the eyes - to strip away the accumulation of abject sorrow bestowed upon some poor sap. But, for the most part, everyone had emerged from the last thirty years fairly unscathed.

I drank cider and Watty chose some fancy bottled beer as is his wont. Others drank cans of lager and others yet, wine. That's all there was but there was plenty of it.

The janitor, who'd woken up and had been revived with white wine, took us for a tour of the school. People were shocked that I didn't remember the 'Big Ship'. Apparently it was quite literally a big ship. Only, of course, it wasn't a ship, cemented, as it was, slap-bang in the middle of the play ground. Actually, now I think of it, I do remember it but only after I'd been reminded. I don't think that really counts as remembering.

The 'Big Ship' was a big deal for most people but, looking back, I don't think I ever liked the look of it. Anyway, it's gone now and I, for one, am pleased about that. Big ship in a playground! Just asking for trouble.

At a minute to nine I took this picture and made a quarter thought-out, half-assed comment about how kids today get more of an encouraging 'allez-y' whereas we, back in the olden days, were largely just left to get on with it. Nowadays kids are encouraged to put their 'best foot forward' as the picture proves beyond doubt.

Below the sign you'll find the cupboard where our teacher used to spend most of her day trying on shoes. On a Friday, she spent the day trying on entire outfits in preparation for the Friday afternoon piss-up.

Then we went to the gym hall which I well remembered. I took this picture of the door which you might imagine is dull and pointless until I point out that the sign informs us of both what the room is but also, cleverly, as a warning to any inappropriate visitors.

Girls, there's boys changing in there!

I'd had three ciders at this point.

Later, in the pub, I decided to leave. It had been a good night but enough was enough. To my shame I did a sneaky exit. I didn't say goodbye. I always do this and it's a terrible habit that, at this stage, I fear I may never be disabused of. Two things had happened. Firstly, I'd used an ill-advised metaphor concerning a broken teacup and a draining board in relation to, predictably, life. The second bad thing that happened was that one girl said to me (possibly directly after the metaphor):

"You always used to hate me, didn't you?".

I didn't know what she was talking about. I told her that I certainly didn't used to hate her. And so, time to leave, I thought.

Next day, I texted Watty and told him what she'd said. He replied:

"Surprised she remembered about that!".

I might have aged better than most but it feels like I might be first aboard the fabled Ship Of Fools.