Celtic TV

Wahey!!! Celtic TV is still available on Setanta.

Wahoo!!! Celtic TV is now fucking motor racing.

Tupperware Parties

Some people, God Bless 'Em, will simply take leftover food and pile it, on a plate, into the fridge. Plates, as any fule kno, are not in the least well suited to the Frigidaire. They simply turn that place into an unmanageable cold mess. They don't fit on top of each other and that becomes very problematic indeed.

This is why Tupperware is, and will continue to be, a good friend to me. It may be deeply unfashionable but Tupperware is cool. In the unlikely event that I ever get invited to a Tupperware party then let me say this. Yes please.

The Good Drying Day

Today, despite the jet-lag and a sometimes overwhelming sense of return-to-work'ed-blues-ess-ness, I was able, quite literally, and four loads later, to fully appreciate the understated beauty of a good drying day. Not most men know this.

John Byrne, formerly a MBE

John Byrne, the artist and author, recently returned his MBE to ... the Queen, presumably, in protest of the British involvement in the Iraq war. He said he would have returned it sooner but he'd lost it under a "pile of stuff".

I'm assuming that John Byrne, who is Scottish, is no longer proud to be British. I guess it don't matter too much how you get there.

HydrO

The HydrO is a big fuck-off power plant which casts an awful shadow over a rather nice neighbourhood in a town called St Neots. That place is peopled by some of the friendliest, er, people I've ever met.

Whilst returning from Tesco carrying 6 bottles of Weston's Organic Cider (a pinch at a pound a bottle, 3 for the price of 2) a woman, a complete stranger, not only said hello but also said "Ahhh barbecue" to me in, borderline orgasmic, appreciation of the wonderful smell wafting from a nearby garden. I was much moved by her work.

But this HyrdO place is damned ugly. Even branding it with an unlikely uppercase 'O' can't change that fact. Good try though.

Bankok airport reflections

Timeline : 22:45

Thailand. Bankok airport.

Flight delayed. Massively so. Everything seems strangely reflective except me. I'm living precisely in the present and the future is as muddy and grey as the Chao Phraya. The past is nearly yesterday already. Tomorrow is my birthday. I'm in mourning for the passing of my holidays.

All I can think of is:

You say pyjamas, I say pytracksuit.

Cold Soup

At the museum today we got some soup. This was in the canteen and played no part of the exhibit.

I tasted it and it was lukewarm. I took it back and told the guy it was cold.

He said, "Is it stone cold".

I looked at him. I got up really close like Larry David does in Curb. I looked at him right in the eyes. He held my stare.

"It's cold enough that I would mention it", I told him.

No More I Love Youse

Like the Scots, the Aussies use the term "youse" as the plural of "you".

"What did youse get at the last hole?".

I always used to think that song by Annie Lennox "No More I Love You's" was about her telling a group of men that she didn't love them any more. I always used to think that until I thought about it the other day and decided not to think that any more.

Cricketer's Arms

Just about to head out to the famous Cricketer's Arms for the hair of the dog that bit me.

After that we will head out to a piercing 'studio' wherein I will have a sleeper inserted into the top part of my ear. I don't know what it's called. If I get very drunk I may even choose to get the gay (right) ear pierced. All very exciting.

My cousin's mate is called Bolt 'cos he got a bolt inserted into his penis. It must be a sex thing. He's got a son called Nut, I'm given to believe.

Nick Cave

I've travelled all over his big country. Well from Sydney up to Cairns anyway.

I've seen sea turtles, dugongs, sharks and some types of fish that looked so weird they must have been alcohol induced. Today I saw old man who lived in a cave above the remarkable Bondi beach and smelled of shit. I saw a whale today spouting enormously whilst drinking Coopers Sparkling Ale at the famous Iceberg club.

It's been an amazing trip and sadly it's coming to end. So far though, I've never met an Australian who has heard of Nick Cave. That's my ambition.