Scotland's Second Favourite Arch Miserablist

Malcolm Middleton, formerly of the great Arab Strab, bills himself as "Scotland's Second Favourite Arch Miserablist".

During his show in Galway last night I asked him, for the avoidance of doubt, who Scotland's favourite "Arch Miserablist" was.

"I don't know", he replied. "But I didn't want to be presumptious". Then he asked me if I'd like to discuss any further technical details of his lyrics.

You see we'd previously had a discussion about his song "Fuck It, I Love You" in which he tells of texting "these three little words" to his girlfriend. After the song he asked if anyone hadn't liked the song. Silence.

"Excellent, A hundred percent success rate", goes the bold Malkey.
"I liked it...", I heard myself informing him. "But I am troubled by one detail".
"Aye?"
"Well, shouldn't it be five little words, strictly speaking?", I asked, too late to stop now.
He looked at me. "I didnae fucking text 'Fuck It'", he replied. "Ahm no that fucking stupid".

Later, he caught me surreptitiously checking a text. After he'd finished his song, a beautiful melancholy paean for the death of summers gone by (Autumn, you're a fucking cunt), he asked me who it was.
"It was my mate Brian", I told him. "He's asking 'Is that Scotch cunt still moaning on?'".
He checked his watch. "Tell him I'll be aboot another half an hour", he replied, smiling.

A strange and thoroughly enjoyable evening. On the way out the first thing my wife said to me was "you were a bit shoutey-outey". I felt this was harsh. I'd be amazed if I was speaking for any more than 5% of the show.