In 1926, Stella Artois was brewed as a seasonal beer especially for the Christmas holiday market. In fact, if the new advertising campaign is to be believed, it wasn't "brewed" at all. It was fucking "crafted".
According to Andreas Hilger, Chief Marketing Twat for InBev UK:
"It (the advertising campaign) will raise awareness of the unique position held by Stella Artois as the quintessential Christmas beer and help retailers make the most of this key trading period"
There's a couple of "take-aways" for us here:
1. By dint of being brewed for Christmas (1926) Stella is now the "quintessential Christmas beer".
Leaving aside for a minute the fact that Stella patently is no such thing, can anyone explain to me in what sense is cold fizzy lager a suitable Christmas tipple? Perhaps a hot rum or some mulled wine could make that claim but certainly not fucking Stella. If it's anything at all it's a relatively inoffensive summer drink to throw back while the kids play in the paddling pool. Presumably by promoting themselves as a quintessentially Christmas brew they'll now admit that their product is wholly inappropriate for warm summer days?
2. Stella are doing this to help "retailers make the most of this key trading period".
In these troubled financial times their campaign will help give a leg up to financially beleaguered pubs and off licenses. It's all about philanthropy it would seem. The fact that they stand to make a tidy profit from the holiday period is only a nice little spin-off to their benign festive generosity.
Why not send these try-hard pricks an extra-special Yule-tide message by ignoring them and drinking warm ale instead. With added twigs and beetles for extra flavour. Now that's what I call Christmas.
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