Stevie Dunton

Here's ten things about Stevie you might not know:

1. Stevie is pretty young. He's about fifty give or take. More likely take.
   
2. He used to vote for Thatcher but he's the exact opposite of vile and hateful. He voted Thatcher for analytical reasons.
   
3. He's sometimes known as Armstrong. After Neil, not Louis.
   
4. He's not a rocket scientist although he looks like he might be. Neither was Neil, of course.
   
5. He goes on Mr Benn style holidays to places which don't exist. Those places are never quite the same afterwards.
6. Everywhere he goes he's considered very odd but accepted anyway. He's chameleon-like, like a chameleon.
   
7. He's retired now and plays golf every day. Stevie is the best bunker to bunker golfer in East Lothian.
   
8. His record is 94 and he scored that the day he met me fifteen years ago. I'd met him several years previously.
   
9. Every four years Stevie gets the same leaflets about voluntary work.
   
10. Stevie tells the most complicated joke in world. It's about Danny McGrain but could equally be about Lester Piggott.