I've Never Been To Me

I got the shock of my life at lunchtime.

As usual, I was tuned into RTE radio 1 listening to the amazing Ronan Collins. This presenters' show contains, I think above any other, inexorably awful patter and, if anything, worse music. Collins laughs in the face of mediocrity and heads due South of that place at all times. That's why I love listening to his show. Not for long, you understand, but in, say, 10 minute chunks the experience can be very rewarding indeed.

When I flicked on today all seemed normal. Better than normal. He was playing one of my favourite, bad songs "I've Never Been To Me" by Charlene. You know it?

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete

But I took the sweet life, I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet

I've spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that costs too much to be free

Hey lady......

I've been to paradise, (I've been to paradise)

But I've never been to me

"Subtle whoring". Brilliant! Extraordinary stuff. I couldn't have hoped for better. 

"Charlene there and I've never been to me ... I haven't been to you either Charlene .. but anyway, beautiful song...", babbled our hero. 

I relaxed into my drive wondering how he could possibly top that song. Then, as mentioned, I got the shock of my life. Predictably, Collins does requests. Of course he does. I may be giving him too much credit for his music choice because he may well do nothing but requests. The credit should really go to his listeners. But one listener, for his birthday, requested a song so hauntingly beautiful that it patently had no place on this show. Here Collins must squarely take the blame. For he was the one who played it. 

"...he'd like me to play, er, White Winter, er, Hymnal by a band from, er, Seattle called the, er, Fleet ...  Foxes", mumbled Collins, clearly on foreign ground.

I was stunned and disappointed. I've never been given to writing into radio shows but, let me tell you, I came very close today. The overwhelmingly melancholic DEEP JOY this song radiates was way out of place here. LUNCHTIME RADIO IS NOT FOR THIS PURPOSE. 

After this he got back on track with a farcical tune by the "English Crooner" Steve Conway but, by then, my mood was utterly ruined.