Welcome to Shrove Tuesday! The most important day in the Catholic calendar.
Shrove Tuesday is an old liturgical term which can be roughly translated as Pancake Tuesday. Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday in which ash, taken from the remains of a sacrificial goat, is smeared liberally over the victim's chest and thighs. On Thursday begins Lent in which we turn away from alcohol and prostitutes and back towards God. For forty days. This brings me neatly to today's topic which is my Dad's mate Hugh Cowan.
Sadly, I must begin by reporting that Hugh is unfortunately a Rangers fan. He's in his sixties now and he wears a large black puffa jacket with the motif SONNETTI emblazoned improbably across the back. Hugh is no fan of the Catholic tradition (specifically Celtic FC) but, for many years now, has given up alcohol (not sure about prostitutes) for Lent. This tends to reduce his level of comedic genius by roughly 60%. This can be inconvenient to say the least.
I've been in the pub a few times, during Lent, with Hugh and he'll religiously stick to orange juice rather than his usual cider and rum mixture. I always ask him why he does this to himself. His answer is always the same. "Musters, as Hornsby says 'That's just the way it is'".
That's his catchphrase you see. It's not very good is it!
2 comments:
On a trip back from a stag party, Cowan, after a number of drink (it was NOT lent), proclaimed "Monksie, I've got the measure of you !".
It was later when Cowan was found asleep, under the sheer weight of his indulgence, that his travelling partners realised that his statement had been the most misguided and inappropriate, since Anne Boleyn said Henry XIII was a "fat cnut with a tiny cock".
I've yet to meet the man who had the measure of you, Monksie, but you'll have to concede that Shug came close.
Another favorite is the time he and my old man went for a few afternoon drinks and came back completely one-oh'ed. They claimed they'd only had a couple of G&T's.
"A couple of G&T's", quoth the bold Monks, "Did ye inject them into yer spine?"
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